Obama Jokes

Barack Obama, at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas , asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence,  he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence..

Then Obama said into the microphone, “Children, uh, every time I, uh,  clap my hands together, a, uh, child in America dies from, uh, gun violence.”

Little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said, ” Well, dummy, stop clapping!”

Submitted by Jimmy

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said toThe Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.

“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to changeAmerica when you don’t know shit?

Source: http://www.funnyandjokes.com/barack-obama-vs-little-girl.html

Obama has decided to change the name of “Air Force One,” the Presidential jet. He’s going to rename it “Air Force The One.”
Tip o’the hat to Robert
Under both ObamaCare and the Clunker program, bills are divided into parts and labor.
Tip o’the hat to Manny
Astronomers have spotted an object in space that they say is potentially dangerous, yet for a year it’s just sat out there and has done nothing. For that, they’ve named the object COMET OBAMA.
Tip o’the hat to RadioFree Rocky D at www.wtma.com
And marine biologists have spotted the deepest living fish ever, near the ocean floor at the Earth’s lowest point. They’re calling it, the Barack Obama Approval Ratings Fish.
Tip o’the hat to RadioFree Rocky D at www.wtma.com
Bill Clinton, Joe Biden and Barack Obama go into a bar.  Bill tells the barkeeper, “I’ll have a B and C.” Obama whispers, “What is a B and C?” “That’s a bourbon and Coke,” Clinton answers. Then Biden orders, “I’ll have a G and T.” Obama again whispers, “What’s a G and T?” “A gin and tonic,” Joe replies. Obama wants to seem like he’s one of the guys so he tells the barkeeper, “I’ll have a 15.” Now it’s the bartender’s turn to ask, “What’s a 15?” Obama says, “A 7 and 7.”
Tip o’the hat to Paula
You remember the Reagan era, when Ronald Reagan was President, and Bob Hope and Johnny Cash were still with us? Well, now we have Obama, no hope, and no cash.
Tip o’the hat to Josie
Q: What is the difference between ObamaCare and a car battery?
A: The battery has a positive side.
Tip o’the hat to Karen
Exhausted and ill from the effort of enacting the Obama healthcare plan, an elderly Senator goes to the doctor. Doctor says, “I have bad news, good news, and bad news, Senator. The bad news is that you only have six months to live. But the good news is that there’s an operation that is 100% successful in curing this illness.” “That sounds great, Doctor,” says the Senator, “but what’s the other bad news?” The Doctor replies, “The Department of Health and Human Services says the first available slot is seven months from today.”
Tip o’the hat to The Plainsman
In the washroom at the airport I saw a handwritten sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: “Please push button and listen for a short message from the President!”……….There’s nothing like “hot air” and the smell of crap to give you that true Obama experience!!!!
Tip o’the hat to Kenneth
Q. What did Obama do when he caught Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid in bed with Osama bin Laden in the Lincoln Bedroom?
A. Nothing.
Tip o’the hat to The Plainsman
New bumper sticker:
Obama lied, the economy died.
Tip o’the hat to Ashley
Q. Why did Obama cross the road?
A. Actually, Obama promised to cross the road, but then he didn’t.
Tip o’the hat to The Plainsman
If Obama had half a brain, his butt would be lopsided.
Tip o’the hat to Luke
President Obama is to statesmanship as an Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Tip o’the hat to Henry
Q. What is Barack Obama’s favorite lunch meat?
A. Mao Tse Tongue.
Tip o’the hat to Meyer
The aliens forgot to remove Obama’s anal probe.
Tip o’the hat to Elliott
If Barack Obama had been the Commander in Chief of the Sioux and the Cheyenne, George Armstrong Custer would have died of old age.
Tip o’the hat to Dwight
Q. Why was Obama staring at the frozen orange juice can?
A. It said “concentrate”.
Tip o’the hat to Anita
America is the china shop; Obama is the bull.
Tip o’the hat to H. L. Mencken
Q. What would you get if you crossed Albert Einstein with Barack Obama?
A. E = MC Hammer
Tip o’the hat to Stanley

Q. Why did President Obama feel it was necessary for him to apologize to the world and to degrade the United States?
A.  Jimmy Carter had laryngitis.
Tip o’the hat to Poetsarena.com

Barack Obama told Oprah Winfrey that he deserves to get a “good, solid B-plus” for his first year as President. He also claimed that Bo, the White House dog, ate the economy.
Tip o’the hat to Angela

Obamatopia: Where Soup Plantations are being replaced by soup kitchens.
Tip o’the hat to Herbert

Q. Why did Obama make a big contribution to SarahPAC?
A. Because he wants to face off against Sarah Palin instead of a real opponent in 2012.
Tip o’the hat to Willard.