An Obama supporter who was on the fringes of good died and was met at the gates of Heaven by St. Peter.  “As is our custom, you will spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven then choose where you will spend eternity.”

The newly deceased breathed a sigh of relief and answered, “I can tell you right now that I am honored to be good enough for Heaven and that is my choice.”

St. Peter shook his head in the negative and replied, “Rules are rules.  Prepare for your 24 hours in Hell.”

An elevator appeared and whisked the deceased downward, then with a thud, the doors opened and he looked out upon a massive gold structure with opened gates, and there were Obama signs and supporters everywhere without one McCain anywhere.  They all welcomed him and had a feast, lots of kool-aid spiked wine, and they had every wish granted instantly.

After 24 hours, the elevator appeared and he deceased waved to his friends and was whisked away upward to Heaven.  There was instant calm and peace as people greeted him with a quiet nod and went about their business.  For 24 hours, he heard soft music and laughter, and noticed that everyone seemed to have a job to do, a purpose to fulfill.

St. Peter appeared and said:  “Well, what is your choice?” he asked.  The Obama supporter smiled broadly and replied: “I appreciate quiet of Heaven, but I think I’m more suited to the good times to be had in Hell, so that’s my decision.” He replied.

St. Peter nodded and the elevator appeared.  When he reached Hell and the doors opened, the Obama supporter heard screams of horror and despair, saw his friends running from strange foreign animals who chased them with torches to set them on fire.

The devil put a hand on his shoulder and said in a booming voice, “Welcome”.

What happened?  Yesterday, there was a country club here and the people were having a big party.” the Obama supporter cried.

The devil glared at him, “Well, yesterday we were running for office.  Today, we were elected.”

Bill Clinton said, “I didn’t inhale.”
Barack Obama says, “I didn’t inject.”

Richard Nixon said “I am not a crook!”
Barack Obama says “I am not on crack!”

Q. What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A. Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears; Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.

Q. Why doesn’t Barack drink Pepsi?
A. He thinks that things go better with coke.

John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barrack Obama were walking down a Washington DC street when they came upon a homeless man.

John McCain gave the man his business card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the man.

Hillary was very impressed, so when they came upon another homeless man, she decided to help. She walked over to him gave him directions to the welfare office, gave her business card, gave him $30, and told him to call for a job and how to ensure he could get medical benefits.

When they came upon yet another homeless man, Barak told him to “have hope….change is coming” and gave him nothing.

Q: Why are there so few real Barack Obama jokes?
A: Most of them are true stories.

Q. Candidate Obama has been telling us, “Yes We Can.” What will President Obama tell us?
A. “Yes You Will.”

Obama the Messiah Jokes

Q. Why doesn’t the Church of Obama Messiah light candles?
A. Obama wants to keep his followers in the dark.

Why beer is better than Obama:

Beer is better than Obama because soldiers like beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer and whine don’t mix.

Beer is better than Obama because imported beer doesn’t pretend to be domestic.

“See, I got to admit, as a comedian, I’m gonna miss President Bush. Because Barack Obama is not easy to do jokes about. He doesn’t give you a lot to go on. See, this is why God gave us Joe Biden.” ~Jay Leno

“Earlier this evening, Barack Obama’s 30-minute infomercial appeared on three of the major networks. … Now, if you didn’t see it, one part was a little odd. At the end, Barack said, ‘If you vote now, we’ll throw in a set of steak knives and a can of Oxiclean.’” ~Jay Leno

“But I thought it was one of those heartwarming infomercials. It had a wonderful ending. In the final scene Barack Obama is adopted by Angelina Jolie.” ~Dave Letterman

“But all this doesn’t matter because Obama keeps pulling away in the polls. Every week, he gets a little more ahead. And with almost all groups. Liberals, of course, always supported him. … And conservatives like the idea of paying a black man to clean up their mess.

John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”

McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”

So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”

Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
Obama smiled and replied, “I think you’re in my seat.”

“That’s what he talked about yesterday, ‘I want to drill here. I want to drill now.’ I don’t know where he was standing. I think he was in a building somewhere.” ~Obama on John McCain’s energy plan.

“I would have to…investigate more of Bill’s dancing abilities, you know, and some of this other stuff before I accurately judge whether he was in fact a brother.” ~Obama on whether Bill Clinton was our first black president.

“I don’t want to be invited to the family hunting party.” ~Obama responding to revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins.

“But I have to say tonight’s venue isn’t really what I’m used to. I was originally told we’d be able to move this outdoors to Yankee Stadium, and can somebody tell me what happened to the Greek columns that I requested?” ~Obama at the Al Smith Dinner.

ohn McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”

McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”

So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”

Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
Obama smiled and replied, “I think you’re in my seat.”

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The Top Five Barack Obama Jokes:

Q. Why is Barack Obama running for office as a Democrat?
A. The Communist Party didn’t have enough voters.

Bill Clinton said, “I didn’t inhale.”
Barack Obama says, “I didn’t inject.”

Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry Obama to Barack Obama?
A. He thought “Barry” sounded too American.

When Hillary Clinton starts looking good, you’ve either
had too much to drink or Barack Obama is on the tube.

Q. What do Obama Messiah followers drink?
A. Koolaid, of course.

Three white men were drinking in a local pub after Obama won the election.
Man 1: Do you know how it happened? Why did we vote for Obama?
Man 2: I really don’t know, it seems to be like going to bathroom early in the morning, then you pressed the tooth paste strongly, half of it went out, then a man said to you I can put it back in the tube, you allow him to do that, just to see what he is going to do!
The third man was drinking just like a fish!
Man3: Hey guys it seems to be a little different for me, just like going to bath room early in the morning and pressing my stomach strongly, and that man said I can put it in again